Crossing Over

We drove up the driveway and were greeted by a fast little weenie dog who had a habit of greeting guests at the end of the paved driveway. It wasn't often that he was out already when we got there. But he was very ritualistic in doing the same thing each time. He would run down to greet, then race back up the hill to be waiting for you as soon as you opened the car door. So happy for us to be home.

CoCo thought this was his chair.  He especially loved it when the sun was shining on it.

For some reason this day, he crossed over the driveway at some point. And symbolically at the exact moment he crossed over the driveway, he crossed over into heaven. I have no doubt that our beloved pets will be there. It took me only a moment to realize what the unfamiliar sound was. I made it to the top of the hill and into the garage before I glimpsed back to confirm the agony that had already formed in the pit of my stomach and in the entirety of my heart.

The Birthday Bean

I was motionless for a moment.  I told Cam and Maeve to go straight in and get Daddy and to not look down the hill. He sensed my unusual request and immediately understood what had happened and started yelling and crying for his daddy. Maeve joined in and started wailing in distress. The mother bear took over me and I was able jump into action again to shew my grieving cubs into the house. Tony surveyed the tragic scene taking place in the kitchen. His first instinct was to shield and comfort his distraught family. Still being a bear, I ordered him to go make sure there was nothing he could do to help CoCo. In the meantime we shed our coats and ended up in a heap of tears on the sofa. Maeve tearfully said, "We are now a family of four." She always counted him as our fifth family member. Cam kept commenting, "It seems like it's not real." We just weren't ready for this to be the day we had to let him go.

A close-up of a lazy dog laying on Nonna's couch

Fourteen years he lived. That is the equivalent of 98 years old. Perhaps the reason animals don't physically last as long as we do is because of their pure love and faithfulness- something humans can only strive for. A ripe old age for a weenie who had endured a rough start in life with a family who wasn't the right fit for him. He survived two rounds of back trauma where the vet said he was in so much pain and speculated if he would ever feel better. And just last year he had to have his giant mole removed. I didn't have them send it off to the lab. I was certain it was cancerous. And even as his body aged and his brouncy steps turned into more of a waddle and his once shiny brown coat was a dull silver, still he was my wake up companion each morning, my ever-present kitchen helper, and the snorer that lulled me to sleep each night as he snoozed right beside my bed. 

Ironically the one who loved him the most wound up being the one who ended his life. Me- why me?  All the what ifs clouded my sorrow- what if I had come straight home and been the one to let him out of the house?  What if I had stopped and let him inside the car? What if Tony would have let him in as soon as he had scratched on the door? My sweet friend who has a gift for finding the positive in all situations comforted me by telling me how nice it was for him to spend the last moments of his life happy as he was doing one of his favorite things- welcoming his favorites home. He did not have to live his life in pain and wait for disease to overtake his body. He did not have to see us making that agonizing choice of when to let him go. He did not put us through the stress of selling our house and having to acquaint an old dog to a new home. Thank you, Bean, for putting our needs above yours. 

Hanging out with his best buddy, Snoot.

He really was like my firstborn. I loved him and will love him with every part of me.  The "C" that adorned his colar had these words on the back: tried and true. No two words could describe him any better.

Snuggled in a blanket with Snoot

Showing Cam around the campground.

Maeve tried to pose like CoCo.

Taking a nap in the camper.  

"The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made." 

Psalm 145:9

"Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever."

Psalm 145:21

A New Year of Love, Hope, and Joy

When the new year started, so did our new obsession- triplets cousins!!!! We found out that we will be welcoming two nieces and a nephew into our family. And that's just about all we can think about now!

Love you already Holland, Reiker, and Sutton! You are already a testament to God's unfailing love, His hope for the future, and His faithfulness to knowing the desires of our hearts.  Happy, happy, happy! Joy, joy, joy!

Muffins for Mom

"But I don't like muffins!" declared the little girl who has invited me to Muffins for Mom. But that small fact didn't stop us. We were both so excited to spend a special morning together.

Loved the morning with my girl!  

We arrived to a special seating area with personalized placemats, a hand printed pot holder, and a portrait with a detailed description. Everything was so thoughtful! I enjoyed the time cherishing the moments of my precious four year old.

The artist and her portrait of her mama.

Posing wit my portrait

Before whisking back to our normal routines, they sang three songs. Unlike Cam, she was eager to join in and stared my way the whole time. One made me teary eyed. Thankful for moments just like this.

She looked right at me the whole time she was singing!  

Maeve took a "selfie" of her and Anna Belle

Second Grade Brigade

Cam is a ham no matter which way you look at it. It's hard to believe that this carefree little boy who jams out in his Jammies with a gorilla mask on is the same one who sweats the small stuff. I am sad that he inherited my anxiety.

It has taken me years to learn to control my  body's reaction to stress. Third grade and sixth grade, not so ironically, the years I went to new schools, were long, long years for my mama and daddy. They worried that I needed to see a child psychiatrist as I carried the weight of the world on my not-so- broad shoulders. Now I consider myself very well adjusted to life and all of its strenuous demands. In fact, I spend a large portion of my days making sure my third graders don't put this same kind of pressure on themselves.

Low and behold, Cam seems to have taken more after me than his footloose and fancy free father. Bless him. I was thinking it was just a stage he was going through right now, an age thing. But as I reflect back over his last eight years, there have been many anxiety ridden events- swimming lessons, Bible school, football camp,  and now children's church. I commented to others before that he really needs a dress rehearsal for life!

I pray that he,too, learns how to get a grip  on the life-stifling fears of his.

I don't want fear to have a grip on him. I want him to grow up loving life and living it to its fullest. Love my Cam Bone!

Magical Moments

We were able to gather with family and friends and celebrate the birth of our Savior. We enjoyed timed with each other and time to rest and reflect upon the year that was coming to a close.

Cam has always been my deep thinker, my over- thinker at times. He enjoyed counting down the days until vacation and then to Christmas.He never waivered in his faith. He knew what he had asked Santa for and didn't bat an eye that his wish would be granted. He wrote a simple letter to Santa the night we went to see the lights: "Dear Santa,

I love you. I would like a go cart. Think you. Love, Cam" 

So when he woke up Christmas morning, he was excited to grab his sleepy sister and rush downstairs. They were both amazed at the expansive doll house he had left in the living room for her. It was hard to focus on anything more than the monstrosity of it. He found a small pile for him: his Wimpy Kid books, a few more Disney Infinity figures, some cool things in his stocking. He didn't say a word about, "Where are my toys?" He didn't lash out at Santa in protest, "Where is my go-cart? Seriously, Santa, nothing to play with." Finally he found a tiny box for him that said "open last." He waited patiently and said, "Can I open this one now?" Inside were a pair of keys, and he didn't hesitate a moment to know what the keys were to: "My go cart! These are keys to my go cart!" He checked out the front door- nothing. He ran to the garage door as we scrambled to grab coats and cameras. He scanned the garage and couldn't find anything so we raised the garage door, and there it sat in the driveway adorned with a red bow and some frost from the North Pole. At that moment all was right with the world as we witnessed a little boy's Christmas wish come true.

Maeve loved every part of the Christmas season. She was our decoration elf, helping with anyone who needed to do a little decorating. The night we got out our nativity scene, she played and played with its characters, reciting the story to herself. She was thrilled when I got the addition of the wise men to our scene. She knew just where to arrange them. I loved hearing her sing along to Christmas music and marveled at how many songs she already has remembered in her five Christmases. She was also the cookie decorating extraordinaire when we went to our cookie bake hosted by our friend. She rolled out the gingerbread just right and had fun picking out just the right cookie cutter for her liking. When it was time to decorate them, she picked out her chair and seriously decorated for a straight hour. 

She was thrilled to get her light up pillow and blanket from CG on Christmas Eve and her treasured Easy Bake Oven from Santa. Those were the only two items on her list each time anyone would ask her what she wanted. She was dead-set on those two things, and since she had already made her own theory about the naughty/nice list, she probably was only counting on two gifts. (She assumed she was on both lists, so she would be getting a little bit of toys- not a lot or none at all, but somewhere right in the middle). That girl! We made a spot in her room for the dollhouse as we said goodbye to the cutest kitchen set ever. We have mastered the art of the easy  bake oven with our diet cookie recipe- break-n-bake mini cookies cut in half and baked for 9 minutes. 

With each new year of family Christmas memories, I marvel at how much my babies have grown up right before my eyes throughout the year. I am convinced that these surely are the days.

Birthday Bean

Our beloved first child, CoCo Bean, celebrated his 14th birthday. In dog years that is two years shy of 100! Wow!

The birthday boy rolling on his back - Maeve was copying him.

Bean and Nonna

We love him (even Tony does deep down). We are thankful for all of our days with him as our pet, our companion, our fifth family member.

Parade

A first - watching a Christmas parade and not being bundled up.

The downtown lights in the night set the scene for our annual Christmas parade viewing. It was, by far, the warmest parade I ever remember as we only had wind- breakers because of the looming rain. We saw the famed Girls Corp, enough jeeps to stretch app the way through town, and even some goats and a wild-eyed horse.  Some Hometown traditions never grow old.