I know, without a doubt, I would do whatever I had to do to keep my students safe. I realized that perhaps this was the first time I have ever really thought about my job as a place where we could be caught in the line of fire. Hearing of the love and sacrifice of those teachers and school administrators made me so thankful to be among the ranks of them. I spent the weekend preparing my heart and mind to be able to answer the questions from my classroom of innocent eight year olds. My strategy was to follow their lead, which is complete role reversal of a typical day.
And that is exactly what I did. Although they walked through the doors with a an armed sheriff standing guard and their classroom door was closed and locked at all times, not one of them voiced a concern. We did hug each other tighter and enjoy each others' company a bit more than we take the time to do regularly. And I know some of them knew the details of the tragedy, but, like I said, no one questioned or mentioned the first thing about it. I know, deep down, whether intentional or not, their silence was a way to protect the innocent who had been sheltered from the scary details. We relished in holiday excitement mixed with learning just as every elementary student should be able to do.
Of course it wasn't just my teacher mind that thought if the "what ifs." My mommy mind instantly tried to go there, but I blocked it out as best as I could. I did so so that I could be the happy, smiling teacher my students are used to spending the day with- I needed to be a constant, a comfort for them. So, it wasn't until the school day was over and my two babies were tucked tight into bed that I allowed myself, my mother self, to go there. When I stumbled across one of the numerous Facebook posts, I was halted in my tracks. The wall I tried so hard to maintain over my true emotions came crumbling down as I read this about knowing six:
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